Be Alright
by Inaheartbeat1
Summary: Post 5X22...This story will explore the journey of bringing Damon and Elena back together...There will be angst, but that's because there is no Delena without it... Hopefully it will help us get through this horrible hiatus..
1. Chapter 1

ELENA

Dear diary,

it's been 157 days since he...since that day.

They say there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Denial has always been my coping mechanism: that summer Stefan left with Klaus I kept thinking, hoping that as soon as he was free from him he would come back to me and everything would be as it was before. Denial and a hint of "Gilbert optimism" as he would call it...that's what has always gotten me through the worst parts of my life-except this time: how the hell am I supposed to pretend or deny that he is gone? He is dead- my best friend, also gone, is the one who told me and there is no way around that.

So I resorted to all the other stages, starting with **anger**. I can barely remember the first couple of weeks, just a haze of tears, screams and blood because the first thing I did as soon as i realized what happened was tracking Liv down...I know she tried her best, I know she did more than others would have done for a bunch of strangers ( I knew it then too) but anger is blinding and blind I was, and I thought hurting her was the only way of making it right- definetely not my finest or smartest moment. And yet I can't bring myself to fully regret it because it was for him- stupid and cruel for sure, but for him nonetheless.

Jeremy, who has lost as much as I have, directed and is still directing, all his anger towards the spell that keeps us from going home: it's a distraction obviously, his own way of avoiding, but its keeping him and Matt occupied- and it's giving him a purpose in the meantime. The pain will catch up with him eventually and I want to say that i'll be there for him when it does, that I'll be there with words of wisdom and a shoulder to cry on, but _ being there_ has not been my strongest suit lately.

Which brings me to the second stage I experienced: **bargaining. **Rational again ( or so I thought) I looked everywhere I could for a way to bring them back which led me straight back to Liv and the other twin, the only witches i know. Note to self: if you want help from a witch, torturing her first is not the best way to get it, not that there was anything she could have done- she did try after Caroline begged ( she was the one to give her blood to heal the wounds I created, so i guess she felt she owed to her. Or maybe she just wanted to be free of me and my tears/ screams once and for all. It worked, that was the last time I saw Liv).

I guess Stefan is still stuck in that stage: everytime I see him he looks like he is scheming, planning, searching for a way to bring his brother back. That's what kept us united at first- there's no one who loved him as much as we did (do), so we tried to be a team even though we actually never spoke about him. But I lost hope in Stefan, in me- all our plans reminded me that we were missing the key ingredient, the person who got shit done. Him.

That is how I slipped into **depression **and that's what drove me away from Stefan. Actually it wasn't him I couldn't stand- we wanted the same thing after all, but the more hopeless I got the less I could stand Caroline- and nowadays if there is Stefan, then there is Caroline. It wasn't her fault, really, she was just being her shiny, bright self, but I couldn't handle the light tone in which she spoke about him. Why would she even speak about him? I know she was sad for Bonnie and him, but I was (am) too enveloped in my grief to keep reminding myself that she can't help being bubbly and justifying her inconsiderate remarks. I love Caroline, I admire her and her way of dealing with life but right now we can't be close cause we are too far away emotionally- but she is good for Stefan, a real support system and I'm glad he can lean on her. Thankfully she cares about him enough to know that was he needs now is patience and to not expect much in return- who knew they would get so close? Now they are somewhere, still looking for a way- but I had to stop leading and then following them cause the reality is that he is gone, and I can't stand to get my hopes up anymore.

Am i finally in the **acception** stage? Have 157 days of pain been enough to get over the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? The answers are maybe and no. Maybe I finally accepted that he is not coming back- but getting over it, over him? That's just unconceivable. But I can't talk about him, write about him...I can't, so I won't.

Alaric is the only one who gets that... He seems to know what I am going through, what I need. Drinking bourbon with him, in silence, in the living room of his apartment near Whitmore is the only time I remember feeling calm, the only time in which I'm afraid that if i stop moving all the pain I try to run away from will drown me.

But I haven't been honest, even with him... He doesn't know what my new pass-time is.

It started a couple of weeks ago: I was in the Whitmore cafeteria when I turned around and saw a pair of piercing blue eyes. God, they looked so similar to his- they weren't as beautiful, they didn't hold the devotion for him that his did, but if I stared at them long enough I could trick myself into believing that it was _his_ eyes I was seeing. Turns out said eyes belong to Mark, a sweet enough guy with whom I started hanging out from that day forward-along with Jake (smirk), Trevor ( sarcasm) and Sam (OCD with a passion for black leather jackets)... They are nobody to me, they have no idea of who I am or of what I lost and somehow that makes it a lot easier for me to talk to them instead of all the people that knew him. To them I'm just a college girl- they probably think I'm a serial dater... There was also another guy I was talking to ( drove a Camaro) but I dropped any contact once he asked me whose ring I was wearing as a necklace. And that is what i will do as soon as they start to expect something from me... I need to be strong for Jeremy, help Alaric, help Liz- but I don't owe them anything..They are nothing to me.

I said I wasn't in denial and I'm not because I realize that what I am doing is not healthy...but it's been 5 months and nothing else has worked and this small glimpses of him, this small doses of pain/ pleasure, are the only thing that keeps me going right now...Is it so wrong for me to indulge a litlle while putting myself back together? Would he understand? How I wish Katherine hadn't deprived me of the only pictures I had of him...But then, would I have been able to look at them?

How is it possible that I'm avoiding anything real that reminds me about the_ most real thing _I felt and lived in my entire life?

DAMON.

I am Damon Salvatore. I love Elena Gilbert.

This is all I know, all I've ever known...but right now it feels like I don't know it anymore- all those emotions, that reckless passion I was known for, feels like something foreign, distant..It's kind of like a reversed flipped switch: not feeling anything gives me calm, peace.

I see _her _sometimes: flashes of her and her grief and I know it's for me, but I don't know what grief is anymore. I want to make it stop, I don't want her to be in pain...But I can't do anything anymore, I don't even know if I _am_ something...is this what death feels like?


	2. Chapter 2

_Here is chapter Number two... I finally had a chance to write down a headcanon i had post 4x23... _

ELENA

Dear diary,

Caroline called me today. She was worried about Stefan: apparently his single-minded pursuit was making him unrecognizable.

Careless, mindless...that's what she called him.

She hasn't been in our dorm for a while: Stefan and her left to visit Liv and Luke's coven- the twins talked about it so much- usually with fear- so I get why they woud go there. But the Other Side is gone, death has a meaning once again- what do they think this little visit is going to accomplish?

Part of me wants to desperately be there with them, fighting, scraping for answers like in the beginning. What if there is a way and I'm giving up too soon- _he_ would never do that, he wouldn't be able to. He didn't give up on Katherine after all...but he had hope and a reason to be hopeful.

I don't.

I have to face reality: there is nothing Stefan or I can do. _There is no hope. _But I have no idea how to deal with that, so instead I called Jake and asked him to grab a coffee with me.

We drank and talked about Faulkner. He is a lit major with a passion for unconventional prose and wants me to read "out of my comfort zone". And in the middle of the conversation he did what i dreaded he would do. What i hoped he would do. He smirked.

He looked up from his cup of coffee, locked his eyes on me and slowly and unvolutarely mimicked _his_ trademark smirk.

I have no idea how I kept talking after that when all I was thinking about was the night after I gave the Cure to Katherine. The real beginning of our relationship (or one of the many I guess. When did we begin? On that road the first time we met or in Georgia, when i saved his life? Or maybe it was after Miss Mystic Falls- when we finally gave into each other? Truth be told, when I got into the car with him for operation Kaboom I thought that _that _would be our last final beginning, the one that would know no end. Funny how it turned out to be the end).

I came home that night after finding Jeremy, who had just been brought back to life by Bonnie. Amazing, selfless Bonnie. We ordered pizza, cause what better way to celebrate something miracolous as resurrection than with something as mundane as pizza? It had been _his_ choice-he loved the irony.

I remember going back to our room and him mocking me for tucking Jeremy into bed.

I was elated, I couldn't stop smiling.

"Katherine is human, Silas is gone and Jeremy is back" I said, yet in that moment all I coul think about were the possibilities. All the ways that night could go. I coquettishly looked him in the eye and hinted that maybe there was something else that was making me so elated. Oh the energy, the anticipation i felt in that room- the night belonged to us, I belonged to him, we belonged together.

And yet we were unsure, almost shy.

He looked at the white dress that was ripped in several points and stained with my blood

(" Another thing I blame that bitch for is ruining this dress, I really liked this dress" he said) and suggested that I needed, that I deserved a bath (" you were such a badass tonight, Elena") and started preparing me one.

I went into his spacious bathroom and started undressing. I was done hesitating- he, on the other hand, managed to not look at me while he searched for a towel to give me. I slipped into the tub and waited for his next move. And waited. " So are you going to join me or what?" I said and he finally did. Took his clothes off and slipped into the bathtub on the opposite site of where I was sitting.

I was finally, 100% sire bond free. I think he just wanted to see if that decisiveness, that ardor I exbited our first night together was all me or just the by-product of the damn bond.

So I just crawled to his end of the bathtub and straddled him.

"Hi" . "Hi back".

We were finally close, sking against skin, his chest under my fingers, his hands on my hips.

Grinning like the two idiots in love we were.

I felt feverish (or as feverish as a vampire can be) and he kissed me ( patience was never _his_ strong suit). Languid, slow, sexy. The slower the pace, the hungrier it made me for him.

Any part of him, all of him.

That made me realize exactly how I wanted to commemorate that night. So when he started nibbling my neck, I locked my fingers in his hair and held his head to my neck. He questioned me with his eyes and I just arched my neck as an answer.

He nuzzled my skin with his nose, soothing my skin and finally did what we both wanted.

That was the first time I was bit as a vampire and needless to say, it was a completely new experience- it was like suddenly all my switches were turned to ON and the soft noises he was making, as if I was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted, only turned me on more.

I started shifting, then bucking and then deliberately grinding against him. He was as ready as I was.

It felt like the most natural thing to do to sink onto him and unite us even more, no part of us not touching. But him being inside me while drinking from me felt too much- it was wonderfully potent, but I felt so overwhelmed by him that I felt like I was going to short circuit.

He was so attuned to me that he understood without words, so he gently pulled out his fangs.

He looked as overwhelmed as I was: his cheeks were pink, his hair in disarray and his eyes unfocused by pleasure. He guided my movements with his hands, setting the perfect pace, choosing now to look at me, almost like he didn't want to miss any moment of pleasure on my face.

That time in the bathtub we both didn't last long: just as I was starting to tell him that I loved him, he bucked underneath me in just the right way, effectively stopping me mid-sentence as I was overtaken by pleasure just as he was. At the same time, just like that first morning together. Except this time I didn't have to run to school and we had the whole night ahead of us for an encore. Or three.

I can't believe I'm writing this. I can't believe I'm finally letting myself remember him. It hurts, every damn word I wrote is mocking me (just like the stars mocked him), but i need to put it to down, I need some tangible proof that he existed. That we existed.

_The encounter is not too graphic since it's written by Elena and i don't really see her writing smut XD... I'm no writer and i'm not looking for elaborate reviews, I'm writing this to soothe my DE heart, but since it's my first fanfic, if you guys feel like telling me what you think about the story so far, I will appreciate it:)_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

ELENA POV.

"So apparenty the grieving period is already over, princess?"

Thick accent, cheap nicknames can only mean...

"Enzo. I would say that it's a pleasure to see you, but I don't feel like lying" I say, while giving Jake an apologetic look.

Jake quickly gets the memo, pecks me on the cheek and leaves.

"So what brings you here to Whitmore? I thought you were busy enjoying your second chance at life?". The thought that he might have taken _his _place_, _stolen _his _chance of coming back blinds me with rage.

"If you must know, my not-so-sad-widow, I miss my friend. You know, the one I turned my humanity off for just so I wouldn't hate him for killing Maggie? Remember Maggie, the love of my life, who grieved for me till her death. Clearly you two have nothing in common" he says casually but completely aware of what he's doing to me.

"Isn't he a little to Vanilla for you? He looks more like Blondie's type. Where is she anyways-I was hoping I would get a chance to talk to her, rekindle our flitartion..." he continues.

He is the first person to see me with Jake. I know I don't own him any explanations, but I feel like I should explain myself..maybe then I would also understand what the hell I'm doing.

"She is with Stefan" I answer him. "They're visiting Liv's coven to...".

"To find a way to bring him back? Isn't that what you should be doing?" he interjects.

He used to be his friend...He is the reason he was able to survive the whole Augustine experience. I might have my reasons for disliking him, but he deserves to know.

" I tried. I got both Liv and a witch from New Orleans to try and channel him...If he was in any dimension, if he was somehow alive somewhere, they would have been able to contact his..ehm...spirit. But there was no answer. There is no one to bring back, Enzo. He is dead" I tell him, unable to finish the last sentence in a normal voice.

He is quiet now, absorbing the news. He is processing that there really is nothing that can be done.

I can see how he is trying to not hurt pained. To keep up appearances. For a second he reminds me of _him _in the old days, after the empty tomb, after Rose's death...

Telling him feels like reliving the whole thing again.

When both the witches decided to help me I was so hopeful, convinced that Damon was somewhere. I couldn't imagine a world without Damon in it- I was so sure that we would find him.

Even the smallest sign of life, the tiniest proof would have been enough for me to try for a lifetime (and more) to find a way to bring him back.

But the was no sign...the longer they chanted, the more I lost hope. I kept pushing and begging-I didn't let them stop until both were bleeding from their ears.

Enzo shakes me from my painful memories. "And here I thought death was an obsolete concept" he said. "So dying to spite someone is not an option anymore. Got it".

"Enzo, what are you really doing here?". I feel drained, I don't want to be here anymore. Hopefullly he will understand.

" The truth is I'm lost Elena. He was the one who ruined me, but he was also my only friend" he answers me. He was the most important person in his world, I can definetely relate to that

"But I can see that I'm not the only one who is lost, judging from your company.

You loved him, you still do. Maybe you're trying to do the healthy thing by moving on, maybe you're just looking for a distraction- I don't know and I'm not going to judge you for it. Not that I'm in the position to judge anyone. But let me leave you with a bit of unsollicited advice: don't to anything you're not ready for- it woudn't be fair to you or to him".

And then he just gets up and leaves. Leaving me completely empty.

I call Jake, apologize for the interruption and ask him to meet me again. And when he tries to kiss me, I let him. When he pulls away I try to wipe away the tears without letting him notice.

DAMON POV.

Time here comes and goes. Wherever here is.

I remember walking towards the proverbial white light. Actually, it was more like being swallowed by it. After that it's been nothing but this blissful nothingness.

I lived my life to the fullest, reveled in everything life had to offer, never thought about the consequences and even less about what might expect me after my death: one thing I was sure of though was that if there was a heaven, I didn't belong in it. And yet here I am: no flames, no dogs with three heads and no signs of Lucifer.

I wasn't alone in the end-Bonnie was with me. Is she here? I feel disconnected, like I don't have any access to any other feeling or notion besides the one I'm stuck in. It feels nice mostly, but I can't change it or move. Like I'm pure essence. Any bad thought slips away from me before I get a chance to feel bad and I'm perpetually in a state of twilight between dream and awareness.

Well fuck, now I'm just waxing philosofical.

And I keep feeling _her _grief. I can't stand to see her in pain, I never could and now I can almost taste it, feel her tears and yet I'm not struggling, I'm detached.

This feels unnatural. Something isn't right.

I need to find Bonnie. Even without her juju, she still knows a lot more about mystical planes and shit than I do. But how can I do it if I don't feel my body ( if I still have one)-think Salvatore, think. There has to be a way to-I can't believe i'm thinking this-_channe_l her.


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter has bit of Steroline because I have a soft spot for them and because they are essential plot wise . I never actually focus on the plot while watching TVD, but there is no story without plot, so I plan on creating as much plot as needed to substain this story and DE, but I want the characters and their interactions to drive the story and just have the plot in the background. Getting DE back, exploring what might happen if and when Damon is back is my main target, although I don't mind exploring Steroline a bit and other character's POV besides Damon and Elena's.

CAROLINE.

The day Bonnie and Damon died was a horrible day. A terrible day.

I know it will make me sound incredibly self-centered, but their death is not the only reason why I remember that day. Something else happened that managed to have an even bigger impact on my life in the following 6 months- if that's possible.

I realized that I had fallen for Stefan Salvatore.

Yep that Stefan, the one that rejected me when we first met, the former half of the "epic couple" ( that I endorsed and fought for) and also by best friend.

How stupid. How cliché. How incredibly screwed up.

But what could I do? He is Stefan, for crying out loud! Noble, angsty, sweet Stefan.

When he died, it broke me. By the time he came back I could no longer deny- at least to myself- my real feelings. And that's when the torture began.

As if being in love with your best friend who's-not-that-into-you isn't hard enough, there is also the matter of my other best friend, his ex, and girl code. Hoes before broes and all that. And right now-with her having lost Damon- is really not the time to challenge our relationship (it never will be).

And besides Stefan, the Stefan that I care for? I don't even know if he is there anymore.

The pain of losing Damon and his survival's guilt turned his usual brooding into something else entirely.

He's dark, uncontrollable. Always on the verge of switching his flip.

His only focus is to find a way to bring Damon back and that is normal, or at least it was, until there was still hope. Now it's just scary, because he seems to not realize that he needs to move on.

And what do I do in all this? I keep following, enabling him. Cause I can't bare to see him in so much pain. Cause I'm afraid one of this days he will turn it all off.

He knows where I stand, knows that I think this is pointless. Apparentely today is the day he needs to confront my inconsequential behaviour.

We're in his car travelling to see the witches again and suddenly he pulls over and looks at me.

I can't help but notice how his eyes look empty right now.

"What the hell are you still doing here Caroline?" he says, with no warmth in his tone.

"What do you mean? I'm here to help you" I answer.

"Oh please, we both know you're just here to keep an eye on me...you're afraid I'm going to go over the edge. But I won't, so since you don't seem to care about bringing your friends back, you should stop patronizing me and go".

Wow, the gloves are off today.

"Stefan, regardless of my motives I'm not leaving you. I want to be here for you, I might not believe that there's a way to bring them back, but I believe in you, no matter what. Don't push me away". That sounded friendly, right? Not like I couldn't handle it if he actually sent me away?

Ignorance is bliss and there is nothing I would want more that to go back to the days I was unaware of what I felt. Especially now, when he is all but ready to drop me from the bring-back-the-dead mission. But either because what I said had an impact or because he really doesn't care, he calms down.

Then, without actually looking at me and with a softer tone he says " In that case I think you need to know something. When I was on the other side I saw Bonnie talking to her Grams, Sheila Bennett. I didn't think much of it before but then I started wondering why didn't Sheila come back. I'm sure there is nothing that Bonnie would have wanted more. And yet Sheila stayed and looked at peace and happy while explaining something to Bonnie. What if she did something to help Bonnie? To ensure that even if the Other Side vanished she would be ok?".

"That's a lot of "ifs" Stefan".

"Maybe...but the Bennet witches have a history of protecting themselves and sticking together. Do you really think that after all that Bonnie went through, after being the Anchor to the Other Side and ensuring the survival of that supernatural Purgatory, they would just abandon her? " he debates.

"Care, I know it's a long shot. I do. But it's something. I know I haven't been myself lately- I don't know if I ever will be without getting my brother back- but you should know that I'm glad that I don't have to do it alone" he continues in a quiet voice.

I'm such a sucker for falling for this but up until now I thought he didn't care if I was with him or not. And maybe he doesn't, maybe he is just happy to have _somebody. _Either way, as he said, _it's something_ and definetely the most-Stefan like he has been in months. And it's all because he believes that somehow Bonnie, and Damon by proxy, have miraculously been saved by the Bennet clan. Oh well, what's one more attempt.

"If you really think that this might be possible and you want to give it another shot, we should go all out. We have being going in circles for months now and we have already tried getting Liv's help. Elena found that witch in the Quarter and with both their magic it was still a fail" I reason and then continue with a more resolute tone. "Last time we avoided going to them because they were no where to be found and without the Other Side we thought that they wouldn't be much help anyway. But it's them Stefan, as little they might know, it's still a whole lot more that we do. Granted they are unpredictable and dangerous, but desperate times and all".

"Desperate times" he agreed.

"Then let's do it. Let's go see Klaus and rest of the Original Brady Bunch. Go hard or go home" I try to say as cheerfully as possible, hiding how I actually dread the idea of seeing them again. But maybe it's worth it, because for what seems to be first time since that horrible day, he smiles at me.

We're here. There is something absolutely intoxicating about New Orleans. Even the air feels sultry and sinful. And there is a mysterious feeling to it- an electrifying notion of not knowing what you can find behind the next corner. Like anything can happen. It's scary and exhilarating at the same time.

No wonder Klaus chose it as his home. He is this town.

I feel a small pang of nostalgia. Not for Klaus per se- our little flirt is done-zo. There is nothing more for us. What I miss is oddly enough the person I was before- the girl allowed to misbehave. Because as fun as our thryst was, it was also very naughty on my part. I gave into temptation because I could and Klaus, being the attractive devil that he is, was the constant reminder of the fact that if I wanted, I could be childish and carefree and just give in to my desires .

I don't feel like that anymore. With everything that happened I know that I need to step up, grow up. Stefan, Elena are both lost, Bonnie is gone and everything is screwed up so I need to be the responsable one.

I miss that lightness that was so _me_ but I also like the idea of being someone that Stefan can rely on, even as just a friend.

But coming back to see Klaus and beg for his help after telling him that I never wanted to see him again still sucks. Big time.

Of course he lives in a regal mansion. It suits him.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of the company of my two favourite Mystic Falls residents?" he shouts in his usual accent from the balcony of the first floor as soon as we get to the inner garden of the vila. Same old Klaus and yet there is something different to him. Maybe I'm not the only one who had to grow up.

" I felt like drinking some Hurricane on Bourbon street" Stefan answers him nonchalantly. Yep, neither of us feels like asking him for help.

Given our history, it might as well come from me, so I just cut to the chase "That, and we also need your help".

After I fill him in, he says " I'm sorry for your loss, really", sounding erneast, "We also have been dealing with some magic-related upheavel. Yet I don't see how I can help you, even if I was so inclined" he finishes.

"Your Mom was the Original Witch and she used the Other Side as her personal playground..." I try to reason but he interrupts me before I finish and I can see that for some reason the mention of his mother's name has a strange effect on him as he sourly says "Yes, we all know that my mother has always something up her sleeve when it comes to killing her own flesh and blood".

He stays silent for awhile while Stefan and I exchange confused looks. He is not denying us help and he is also less taunting than usual, but he also seems weary and tired.

Finally he says " Esther is never going to find peace until she finds a way to finish her mission of eradicating the vampire species, so something tells me that she didn't just disappear with the Other Side: my mother is as resourceful as she is intransigent and her determination knows no limits. So maybe you're not delusional after all- maybe those relentless witches did find a way to escape true death yet again. If my mother is still alive I assure you I will track her down and whoever is with her. And I will put and end to her no matter the cost".

So maybe he hasn't changed at all? Are we about to make a deal with the devil?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

ELENA POV

It's impossible. It can't be true. It seems to easy.

This is all I've been thinking since I got Stefan's call. Honestly I don't know what to think, so I call the only person who I know will help me make sense of all of this and who will tell me the truth, no matter what. There's a reason they were best friends after all.

Thankfully Alaric lives close by and is always available, cause I think I will explode if I don't talk about this with someone. I can't give into hope, I'm afraid to.

Twenty minutes later here he is looking at me dumbfounded, perplexed by my glassy eyes and disheveled appearance.

I'm shaking and I don't know where to start so I just launch myself into a messy recollection of Stefan and Caroline's findings in New Orleans: " Stefan figured out recently that Sheila might have found a way to keep Bonnie safe, so he and Caroline went to Klaus to look for help".

"Yeah, cause he is usually such a friendly and helpful person. What where they thinking?" he interjects.

"Well maybe they weren't wrong because Klaus also believes that witches as powerful as his mother and the Bennet line probably concocted a backup plan in case the Other Side disappeared, especially since his mother is still fueled by her desire to wipe out the vampire species" .

"Right...I forgot how motherly Mama Original was!" Alaric comments sarcastically.

" Of course all this sent Klaus into a frenzy and he made them ask for help from an extremely powerful, albeit young witch- Davina. She wasn't to inclined to give them a hand, but Stefan's pleas and desperation apparentely moved her. She is a loose cannon though, and a force to be reckoned with" I reflect.

"Anyway, Davina was able to contact Esther by using her old gremoires in Klaus possession" I continue.

"Why the hell would they contact Esther? She is clearly not to be trusted" he exclaimss. She ruined him, manipulated him and then turned him into an unstoppable monster- bringing her into this concerns him directly and I can see that he is trying to refrain himself from saying all that he is thinking. Everything considered, I marvel at how he is able to keep calm.

"Don't forget that Stefan and Caroline asked Klaus for help- that entails following his plan. Deal with the devil and all. And you know how he is, he wanted to send a message, establish his position, show his power- all his usual shenanigans" I rationalize. " Although it seems strange that it was so easy to contact her- no matter how powerful this Davina is- with her being dead and in another dimension and all that".

"Another dimension? This is officially starting to sound absurd, Elena" he says skeptically.

"I know Ric, but please, let me finish" I plead. "She said that the Bennett witches used the energy left by all those souls in the Other Side being sucked into the vortex, combined with the sacrife of some witches, like Sheila, to construct a safe haven for witches, since none of them could move on before it disappeared. Basically, since they could't get to a "better place", they created one. They were able to do that by teaming up with Esther and the New Orleans coven and it was in all of their best interest, cause the other option was disappearing into oblivion with the rest of the other souls" he is right, this does sound absurd. " Sheila sacrificed herself in order to grant Bonnie access to this place and none of them could have predicted that Damon would be with her" it hits me that this is the first time I've said his name in 6 months.

"You're telling me that Damon is also in this witchy paradise place?" he asks, almoust looking amused.

" That's the point, he was collateral damage. Vampires were never meant to get there and that's why Esther says that they wouldn't mind getting rid of him, that they actually want that".

"But if he is still undead, how come you weren't able to contact him when you tried with Liv and the other witch?".

" She conveniently didn't elaborate too much on that. She hinted that he is being held in a state of deep slumber, constantly unconscious- so that makes it hard to reach him" I explain.

"Damon the Sleeping Beauty" Alaric jokes.

"Something like that...The point is that balance has to be mantained, as always. So if we want him back, we have to exchange a life for his. Of course they want it to be a witch, to keep the haven uncontaminated".

"So all we have to do get Damon back is kill a witch?" he questions with disbelief.

" That's the other thing...Esther says that nobody has ever been resurrected from this new Other Side, for lack of a better word, which means that they have no idea how he will come back, especially since he, as a vampire, might have not been able to substain being in a such a magically charged place. There's no way to know how he has been affected by all of this. Also, they have no intention of letting us bring Bonnie back" I say, completely drained. I have to understand all of this, before I can let myself feel anything.

"You know that his could all be a trap, right? I understand that he is an unwanted guest and all, but I just don't trust Esther. And no, this hasn't anything to do with what she did to me...She hates vampires, why would she help us? And if she is telling the truth, what does this mean for Damon? The "resurrection" itself could leave him lobotomized!" he says, voicing everything I'm afraid of.

"We know nothing, we can't trust anybody-but this is a chance, a possibility. I.." my voice breaks, tears threaten to fall but I hold them back " I called you to discuss this, I want your opinion, but we both know that there's no way in hell I'm not going to try to bring him back, no matter how foolish or unsafe or useless it might all turn out. I wasted enough time already".

And there it is, the feeling I've been holding back. Or feelings, to be exact. Complete and utter disgust, shame and guilt begin to suffocate me.

Poor Elena is too destroyed after a couple of failed attempts to try again. Can't hande the grief.

It only took me five months to give up. Five months to stop looking for the man I loved most in the world.. I...I actually let someone else kiss me. I feel nauseous.

Damon and I have done so many things to each other. As much as we loved one another, we managed to hurt the other deeply and repeatedly before and after we got together. And yet in all this time nothing has ever been unforgivable. Until now. I don't know if we will bring him back, I don't know if he will ever look at me the same, but one thing is sure- I will never forgive myself for this.

BONNIE POV

I would admire Esther if she I wasn't busy hating her so much.

They have no idea what they're about to do.

_I'm going to explore Bonnie's POV better in the next chapter since it's way too important to be mixed with this chapter, which was already filled with info._

_I love Elena's character and I believe that it was right of her to try to move on, because there was no hope and she didn't know what Stefan did. And yet I believe that there's now way a character like her is not going to blame and punish herself for "giving up"and that guilt is something she is going to carry with her..._


End file.
